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Русские глазами американцев
Feb. 11th, 2008 10:18 pmДобавление внизу - моими друзьями. Кое-что - лично про меня.
- When talking to Russian friends make sure to speak mostly English but then add random Russian words into the middle of your sentences. Something like "Can you pass the kartoshka?
- Make sure all of your friends know what "Yob tvayu mat" means.
- Get a new cell phone at least once every 6 months.
- Never spend more than $50 on sneakers.
- Have a $50 bottle of cologne with you at any moment.
- Always drink at any gathering of any kind.
- Never buy anything costing more than $1000 from a non-Russian.
- Make sure your job somehow involves computer programming, unless you are in medicine.
- Yell. Even if you're having a quiet conversation, talk as loudly as possible.
- Whenever you cross any border, make sure to stop by the duty free and buy as many bottles of cheap liquor and economy packs of Marlboro as you possibly can.
- Order the same exact meal every time you order Chinese takeout.
- Know at least 10 people names "Sasha". Male or female.
- Meet with your grandparents at least once a week.
- End as many sentences as possible with "blayt" "nahuy" or "tvoyu mat"
- You go get your hair/manicure/pedicure done at a Russian lady's house/apt/basement.
- All of your grandparents friends are convinced you remember them,
meanwhile they tell you: "ya pomnu kogda ti bila tokaya Malinkaya"
while showing you with their hand.
- When having guests over for a meal, put every food item you own out on the table.
- Cant go outside with wet hair or after u sweat a lot.
- When you go on a long trip somewhere, everyone has to sit down for a few minutes or else you will have bad luck.
- Can’t open umbrellas in the house or whistle in the house.
- You shouldn't talk about something good happening before it does. If you do you say "tfu, tfu, tfu" like your spitting over your left shoulder.
- You can't buy baby stuff before the baby is born, that's bad luck.
- Sitting on cold surfaces makes you infertile.
- You know someone who works at a dental lab.
- You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying.
- You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas.
- Every time you mention a new person you're hanging out with the parents ask you what they do for a living, what their parents do and what their plans for the future are...which you most of the time don't know.
- The first question your parents ask about a new girl you're dating is whether she is Jewish or not.
- You must wear tapki at your house, and must keep extra pairs for guests.
Additional rules from friends:
- Think that "Deep Purple" was the greatest band of all time.
- Think that "Hey, Hey, Hey, Hully-Gully" is legitimate rock and roll.
- Don't get nauseous at the thought of 'pod shuboy'.
- Hate everything proletarian, even the good stuff - like diners.
- Think Georgian wine is good.
- Think Stalin was wrong about the Jews, right about the Chechens.
- Think going to Russian restaurants is occasionally fun.
- Understand that there is no such thing as bad vodka.
- Scorn milk chocolate. Pity those who eat it.
- When traffic is a bit congested, always be in the fastest moving lane. Switch lanes on a second by second basis to make sure that you are never anywhere but the fastest lane.
- Celebrate unheard of United Nations holidays.
- Enjoy unheard of masters of English Literature. Listen with rapture to recordings of unheard of stars of Western opera.
- When talking to Russian friends make sure to speak mostly English but then add random Russian words into the middle of your sentences. Something like "Can you pass the kartoshka?
- Make sure all of your friends know what "Yob tvayu mat" means.
- Get a new cell phone at least once every 6 months.
- Never spend more than $50 on sneakers.
- Have a $50 bottle of cologne with you at any moment.
- Always drink at any gathering of any kind.
- Never buy anything costing more than $1000 from a non-Russian.
- Make sure your job somehow involves computer programming, unless you are in medicine.
- Yell. Even if you're having a quiet conversation, talk as loudly as possible.
- Whenever you cross any border, make sure to stop by the duty free and buy as many bottles of cheap liquor and economy packs of Marlboro as you possibly can.
- Order the same exact meal every time you order Chinese takeout.
- Know at least 10 people names "Sasha". Male or female.
- Meet with your grandparents at least once a week.
- End as many sentences as possible with "blayt" "nahuy" or "tvoyu mat"
- You go get your hair/manicure/pedicure done at a Russian lady's house/apt/basement.
- All of your grandparents friends are convinced you remember them,
meanwhile they tell you: "ya pomnu kogda ti bila tokaya Malinkaya"
while showing you with their hand.
- When having guests over for a meal, put every food item you own out on the table.
- Cant go outside with wet hair or after u sweat a lot.
- When you go on a long trip somewhere, everyone has to sit down for a few minutes or else you will have bad luck.
- Can’t open umbrellas in the house or whistle in the house.
- You shouldn't talk about something good happening before it does. If you do you say "tfu, tfu, tfu" like your spitting over your left shoulder.
- You can't buy baby stuff before the baby is born, that's bad luck.
- Sitting on cold surfaces makes you infertile.
- You know someone who works at a dental lab.
- You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying.
- You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas.
- Every time you mention a new person you're hanging out with the parents ask you what they do for a living, what their parents do and what their plans for the future are...which you most of the time don't know.
- The first question your parents ask about a new girl you're dating is whether she is Jewish or not.
- You must wear tapki at your house, and must keep extra pairs for guests.
Additional rules from friends:
- Think that "Deep Purple" was the greatest band of all time.
- Think that "Hey, Hey, Hey, Hully-Gully" is legitimate rock and roll.
- Don't get nauseous at the thought of 'pod shuboy'.
- Hate everything proletarian, even the good stuff - like diners.
- Think Georgian wine is good.
- Think Stalin was wrong about the Jews, right about the Chechens.
- Think going to Russian restaurants is occasionally fun.
- Understand that there is no such thing as bad vodka.
- Scorn milk chocolate. Pity those who eat it.
- When traffic is a bit congested, always be in the fastest moving lane. Switch lanes on a second by second basis to make sure that you are never anywhere but the fastest lane.
- Celebrate unheard of United Nations holidays.
- Enjoy unheard of masters of English Literature. Listen with rapture to recordings of unheard of stars of Western opera.
