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Entry tags:
Marriage jokes
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle."
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Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not
the only thing in life!! --Anonymous
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she
gets the more interested he is in her. --Agatha Christie
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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde
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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb
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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
--Sam Kinison
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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free. --Anonymous
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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't,
they'd be married too. --H. L. Mencken
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Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later, for
another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken
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Marriage is a three ring circus:
--engagement ring
--wedding ring
---suffering
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year
married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back .
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She
said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the
kitchen?"
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for t he
estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage? "Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course..at least
he'll shut up after you let him in!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother
and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to
another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with
profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why
did you have to die? "The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I
don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do
you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to
collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a
wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But
she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband
was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not
the only thing in life!! --Anonymous
-------------------------------------------------------------------
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she
gets the more interested he is in her. --Agatha Christie
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
--Sam Kinison
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free. --Anonymous
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't,
they'd be married too. --H. L. Mencken
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later, for
another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three ring circus:
--engagement ring
--wedding ring
---suffering
----------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year
married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back .
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She
said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the
kitchen?"
-------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for t he
estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.
---------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage? "Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course..at least
he'll shut up after you let him in!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother
and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to
another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with
profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why
did you have to die? "The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I
don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do
you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to
collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a
wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But
she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband
was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
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Мне про кольца больше всего понравилось )
no subject
По реке плывет лодка. На корме сидит чукча и курит трубку. Его жена сидит на веслах и гребет против течения.
- Хорошо тебе, - говорит чукча, - греби себе и греби, а мне думать надо, как дальше жить
- Почему невеста на свадьбе всегда в белом?
- Это стандартный цвет бытовой техники
Прогресс дал современной женщине стиральные машины, кухонные комбайны, пылесосы, миксеры, микроволновки,
чтобы у неё оставалось гораздо больше свободного времени жаловаться мужчине,
что она горбатится по дому, как рабыня Изаура...
- Дорогой, я хочу жить с тобой долго и счастливо!
- Дорогая, если ты будешь жить счастливо - я долго не протяну...
После первой брачной ночи муж говорит жене:
— Дорогая, я понял, что я у тебя не первый…
Она (закуривая):
— А я поняла, что и не последний…
— Что такое смешанные чувства?
— Это смотреть как твоя жена с её любовником летят с обрыва на твоей новой машине.
- Вернулся к жене.
- А почему?
- Не могу смотреть, как она живет в свое удовольствие!
Я молилась Богу, чтобы он дал мне хорошего мужа. И Бог дал мне хорошего мужа.
А вот мой муж не молился. Ему досталось то, что досталось.
Через три дня дня после женитьбы жена Жоры объявила, что если он не бросит пить, то она бросит его.
— Да, трудно тебе придется, — сочувствует Жоре друг.
— Еще бы, — вздыхает Жора, — я буду очень скучать по ней...
Муж с женой стоят на краю крутого скалистого обрыва. Далеко внизу бурлит стремительный горный поток.
Она, заворожено глядя вниз:
- Дорогой, а если я прыгну с этого обрыва вниз, ты меня спасешь?
- Дорогая, а если я скажу "да", ты прыгнешь?
no subject
no subject